Monday, August 31, 2015

That Time I Called My Dog an Asshole in Public


It's no secret that I have a filthy, filthy mouth. I've never been shy about swearing on the blog, and it's even more prevalent in real life. However, it sunk to a new low at our last beach trip.

Let me set the scene for you. Nola and I, walking along on a seemingly deserted beach, just turning the corner at the only large grouping of sea grasses. The grasses obstruct your view for a bit. Nola was off leash, and while she's always paying attention to me, she does like to run ahead a little bit and pester any crabs she can find scuttling along.
She'd found one, and was happily pouncing on it. It was quite windy, so I raised my voice enough to call out over the crashing waves to call out: "Nola! Stop being an asshole to the crab!"
Much to my chagrin, an older couple came wandering out from behind the grasses as soon as the words left my mouth. They looked at me, aghast, and I could do nothing but shrug through my embarrassment.

It got me to thinking about the nicknames I call the pups. Of course, there's the innocuous ones like Bug for Nola, or Pike Puppy for Pike. Then there's the...ah, others. Such as:
Twat Waffle
Bitch Cookie
Beast Child
Douche Butt (that's alllll Pike)

There's more, I assure you.

The Bitch Cookie in question.

What names do you call your dogs?

- Dachshund Mommy


  1. My Dog Walker calls Abby (in a Fred Flintstone Voice) "Abby Dabby Do!" She actually gets all happy when she hears that so I sometimes call her that, though I do NOT do a good Fred Flintstone.

  2. Haha, whoops... Earl and Ethel have all kinds of random nicknames... they just come out of my mouth and they stick!

  3. It's not funny but it is. One time Edward would not stop barking in the car (he never barks)mom said in a monster voice Stop barking you little shit.
    Lily (& Edward)

  4. I've been known to shout that, too! (Except the crab part! :P) Shithead is also a term of endearment in our family!

  5. Oh dear. Maybe those people had never had a dog?! Ted called Toby a goofball in agility class once. It did not go over well.

  6. Mum hardly ever swears (bol) unless she is REALLY angry (usually at stupid call center people who are giving her an unreasonably hard time -- which is VERY seldom cos she used to work at a call center -- so the have to be REALLY STUPID) and then she usually uses English swear words!!! She calls me Big Girl, Pretty Girl (ugh) and Big Butt -- but, more often Good Girl when I do something in a response to her!!

  7. Anyone who thinks you shouldn't call a dog an asshole has never had a dog. :)

    My husband calls Honey dummy (which I hate) as a term of endearment.

    I usually go for the cute, like Pooter or Fuzzy Butt. But I've been known to come out with "You little Fucker" every so often.

    I guess my language ain't so hot either.

  8. LMFAO.
    Military Husband gets in trouble for swearing a lot. Like when he says swear words in front of children out in public, I tell him heyyyyy stop that, lol.

  9. Jimmy is sometimes called "JJ" for Jimmy Jerk and he most definitely has been called asshole...and when he loses it and snarks at Wilson I say stuff I could never repeat!

  10. The word BAD is enough around here to put Murray into an instant panic! BOL

  11. BOL!! Yeah, Ma calles me shithead lots. LOTS. the others are benign ...butts I get shithead the most. I won't tell you what I bark at her...☺
    Ruby ♥

  12. Bruce is regularly called an asshole, ass, douchebag, jerk. Neeko is a bitch. Faolan is too sweet to call anything negative. ; )


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