Monday, September 19, 2016

Things I Hope No One Hears Me Tell My Dogs, Part 2

Hey, everyone!

Back in June I did a post called 11 Things I Hope No One Hears Me Tell My Dogs, and it's time to add to that list!

5. "Don't hump the cat. She doesn't like...oh, well maybe she does. Um. Yeah, I'd say she likes that. Stop it, both of you!"

The dogs really like to hump Salem, and I don't know why. Salem doesn't protest, fact, she comes back for more. I find it very awkward.


4. "I really don't have any motivation or ideas for this week's blog posts. What do you think about leaving this blank draft up, but also surfacing Facebook, reading a book, and watching random funny YouTube videos? And then we can Google random places, watching some serious pop song choreography, and start a different book?"

Nola has been witness to some of my shameful procrastination, and usually just stares at me with judgement in her eyes.

I'm so judging you.

3. "People would like you better if you weren't such an asshole. Seriously, it wouldn't kill you to be nice for once in your life."

Yeaaaaaah...this is Pike. Every day.

2. "Please stop. need to quit. Please, puppy love?"
*minute or two later*
"Layla, I'm begging you. Please, please stop it."
*a minute or two later*
"For fuck's sake, quit STARING AT ME!"

Sometimes when Layla wants out of her crate in the evenings while I write blog posts (she's not at the level of being loose while my attention is elsewhere), she'll just sit there and press her face against the door of the crate, staring at me. Unblinking, unmoving staring. 

1. "What do you think about becoming pseudo-hermits? Like not actual hermits, because I think we should still go to parks and shit, but like...mostly hermits? We have Amazon Prime, so we could totally only have to be around people like...twice a month, max. For fresh provisions and all. Thoughts?"

I fully admit to having full blown conversations with Nola, complete with interspersed pauses as I wait for her reply. 

"Oh my god, she's cray. Actually, being a hermit doesn't sound so bad."

What about you? What do you tell your dogs (or cats) that you don't want others to hear?

- Dachshund Mommy 


  1. Oh Salem! You need to smack those kids
    Lily & Edward

  2. All Nola, Salem, Pike and Layla are cute!

  3. I regularly have full blown conversations with my dogs, and ask them rhetorical questions. Just earlier today, I asked "Do you think Tractor Supply sells pumpkins?" None of them knew for sure...


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